LOWUASFDo not mess with the wives
by ohfuckthis
Summary: Someone is tired of fangirls, someone is sick of having their husband OOC at inconvenient times, someone is sick of having them being snogged by a rabid fangirl. And that someone is ready to fight back.
1. Chapter 1

I own not Lord of the Rings! You no sue!

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My dearest friends;

It has come to my opinion that there is general disrespect for us. No fangirl (as of late) has acknowledged our presence, and it is time to act. My husband was in tears when the fangirls were finished with him. It took all the warriors that I could find to get rid of them! He has not yet recovered from the trauma and he is on top of the wine cabinet repeating, "My name is not leggy… My name is not leggy" I am disgusted by this misuse of my husband's sanity. It is time to act! We need to cast aside the oppression that fandom daily weighs down on us! Join me in my fight to correct the injuries made to our beloved ones! Rise and join us! Cake and tea will be served at our fist meeting of LOWUASF (Lust objects wives unite against screaming fangirls). We will meet in the great hall of Rivendell at 8 'clock sharp. Thank you for your support!

Sincerely,

Eärlindë Greenleaf


	2. 11 And so itoh I suck at titles

I don't own Lord of the Rings, I don't own cheese-its, or kool-aid, I own my characters, and my evil plot bunnies growls at plot bunnies, I wish I didn't own this plot, it's eating away at my brain, and is not fully developed. I appreciate flames on this one, I don't like it.

Recording of LOWUASF meeting #1 section one:

**Scene opens**

A large hall in Imladris is filled with a group of chattering women. There chairs are placed around a table that is covered with random papers. All of a sudden a blond elleth runs in and takes a seat. The chattering stops and all shift in their seats to face the irate lady.

Eärlindë: Meeting called to order! Welcome to the fist meeting of LOWUASF! Today we have all the wives of elven men (or are elven themselves) Next week the wives of men will join us. Hopefully the hobbits won't be long coming. Role call first, say "here" and then who you are married to: Arwen

Arwen: Here! I am the ONE and only true love of Elessar. No warrior princess can take my place thank you.

Eärlindë:Glad to see you here! Raina

Raina: Here! I am married to Elrohir, not Elladan. My dearest husband is NOT a trouble-making snit, nor a perverted rapist.

Eärlindë: I'm sure that your experiences are truly horrific. Tallon

Tallon: present and accounted for. I am married to Haldir. No, Haldir is not in love with Legolas, nor did he die at Helm's deep. I am representing Elmatina and Galamin(Orophin and Rumil's wives) They wish to make it known that their husbands aren't "sexy" nor "not as cute as Halide"

Eärlindë: Give them my greetings. Beriana

Beriana: Yes, I am Elladan's wife, see Raina's concerns, mine are practically the same.

Eärlindë: Nieriel

Nieriel: I brought crumpets! I am Glorfindel's wife. My husband has no feelings towards Erestor, or Elrond, or Estel. My husband is NOT to be replaced by Arwen (no disrespect my lady) and is an elf lord, no disregarding him.

Eärlindë: Lovely! Just put the crumpets over there over there. Well then! We will start the meeting now! At the end of the meeting cheese-its and kool-aid will be available to everyone. Our agenda is: One member will describe their horrific experiences, then we will plan how to properly disembowel, I mean punish, the offender. Any objections?

Legolas fan girl: LEGGY-CHAN I WUV UUUUUU!

Security: drags off fan girl

Eärlindë: So let's begin with myself! I am Eärlindë

Everyone: Hello Eärlindë

Eärlindë: I am married to Legolas, just because his great Tolkienness,

All: All hail Tolkien!

Eärlindë: Said nothing to let anyone know that my husband is, in fact, married and loves me very much; I exist. I am no mystical elven princess, nor did I join the fellowship, I was at home with our second child. Yes, we have children. I would also like to point out that Legolas has dark hair; he is neither blond nor blonde. My Legolas is a noble price that is not to be made a fool of. He is daily ridiculed and made into a hormonal elfling! He does not serenade mystical queens of moonplains, or whatever. Nor is he the eldest prince of Mirkwood! His older brother is forgotten, as is his mother. He is fair in the way of the elves, but he is not the fairest creature in Arda! That title belongs to Luthien the fair. He is a mighty warrior! Not some prissy pile of sludge! He is NOT to be mistreated, and now he is insane! All he does is sit on the cupboard moaning and hiding from everyone, even me! My poor children will have no father figure, no one to discipline them! And it's all the fan girls fault! I want Justice! He has no dignity, no honor, and no life left. He daily wishes for death, and I almost want the same for him! No child of Illuvatar should suffer so! I ask for help from you just ladies

Tallon: I propose sending a fangirl against Tharunduil, you know how protective of Legolas is, especially after the unicorn incident.

Eärlindë: Yes, the wood hasn't turned back to normal yet; there are still traces off pink, sparkly fluff everywhere.

Beriana: I propose poetic justice!

Eärlindë: How?

Beriana: If she wants to live in Greenwood the great, then let her battle the great spiders, she has no chance, and if you hide in the bushes, you'll be able to watch. If that doesn't do it, throw her in the great river that flows through the wood.

Eärlindë: Oh, I like that idea, I do! It will make a statement for sure. Very well! After the meeting we will make a trip to execute the punishments.

HERE ENDS SECTION ONE OF THE FIRST MEETING OF LOWUASF MEETING ONE

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

a/n: Yes, a little harsh. But I have to admit, I cried when I realized how horrible it must be for the actual characters.sigh That is why they must DIE! If you want to help, send letters to me (Like you are actually the character) and let me know your complaints. I will only accept reasonable ones. I will be doing Nieriel first because she sent me a letter. Here's the list of characters I need:

Beriana(Elladan)

Raina(Elrohir)

Tallon(Haldir)

Arwen is taken care of…I'll be doing her

Thanks, you guys rock!


	3. Revision note

Well, my dearly beloved fans (yeah right) it has come to my attention that my writing skills have improved tremendously, while the stories archived here have not. I am utterly disgusted by the quality of my work and am devoted to remedying this. So, I will be (attempting) to re-write LOWUASF as soon as I get my act together. That being said, I still want support from all of you. Reviews are nice. ;)

-ZZ


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